you can go ahead and scoff (and really, you probably should, this is no high brow music selection here) (though you should also know that i sincerely and so unapologetically love
cheesy country music) but hearing this song last night… well, i can’t say if it was anything about the song, or just natural timing, but i finally felt myself
i’ve been feeling like my life lately is being pulled so taut, and i’m just going to snap. i can’t fit one more thought into my head, one more plan into my routine, i’m barely doing anything at 100% anymore…
i’ve been beating myself up a LOT.
and what suddenly hit me last night is i’m feeling way too sorry for myself.
so i had a good cry. and a DEEP BREATH. and i’m starting fresh.
i got home last night at 7.
most days i’d look at the clock and already feel despondent. it’s too late to really start a healthy dinner with nothing much planned/prepped, guess it’ll be mac&cheese again. the girls are going to be up late, our night is going to be a disaster, everything is terrible, look how messy the kitchen is, harley doesn’t even have a single* clean sock in her drawer.
instead, while greg spent some time winding down with the kids and getting them ready for bed, i cut up chicken in small, will-cook-quickly pieces, then opened the freezer and spotted TJ’s 3-minute brown rice and some half-empty bags of frozen corn & peas.
a stir fry. that came together quickly and easily and most important mindlessly while i watched the children play in the next room.
they were not in bed early. but they were fed a healthy, home-cooked meal, made entirely by me, we ate dinner together (a novelty) and they went too bed…
and since i was done feeling sorry for myself, i didn’t sink into the couch…
i cleaned up the kitchen, put on a load of laundry, and went through the mail.
this is not groundbreaking stuff. this is what needs to happen on a normal night to make a household run. but i’ve been so fogged in with my frustrations that i let that be the reason i was feeling so behind.
i can do this, it won’t all be perfect but it WILL most definitely be fine.
*i’m not even joking with you when i tell you she wore mismatched orphan socks to school on wednesday.**
**this was entirely her doing. there was clean laundry, i just hadn’t put it away in her room yet. i offered to get her an actual pair of socks from the laundry room but she was rather amused with her selection.
[eta: wow jodee messina kind of has a scary face and that is a bizarrely large photo. sorry everyone.]