thirtysomething. married. constant laugher. dog person. proud mama. corporate slave. tv junkie. guacamole enthusiast. former (and still occasionally) crunchy hippie.

oh, hi there

so it’s been, oh about 6ish weeks since i’ve bothered to formulate any words on this ol’ “blog” (ha).

here’s the all-too-brief* but relevant details of the past month and a half of my life:

  • ellis levi was born on august 9.
  • mom, dad, harley, delilah were pretty much over the moon right away.
  • the delivery was amazing, the high better than any drug (i’ve tried, at least).
  • i actually pulled him out of me. i mean sorry for the tmi i guess but that was really fucking cool. so it demands to be shared.
  • labor was about 12 hours all told, and only a few hours were truly terrible, so that’s pretty good.
  • he’s nursing, so that’s already something new and different from the other two. it’s been … not without its trials but it’s going, and that’s important to me, so i’ll take it.
  • the kid does NOT like to nap. i’m typing this, sitting at the computer in my office at home, without a baby in my arms for the first time in at least the last three weeks.** i’m not sure how it happened today, and words can’t express how much i hope we can make this happen again, and so in case it doesn’t, this will be all i’ve got for another few weeks.
  • late summer / early fall is definitely a LOVELY time to be home with a baby. a part of me misses the amazing silent hush of winter… it’s just so perfect for newborn snuggles… but getting out and about in beautiful weather has been beyond AMAZING for my mental health and my physical health, as well.
  • seriously, i don’t even know what to do with myself right now. i’d like to go take a shower but he’s already been sleeping for like an hour and a half and i have a feeling the second i go upstairs he’ll start wailing. argh.
  • hmm anything else you’d like to know? anything else you’d like to update me on? i haven’t kept up and i miss you! what’s new with you?!

*ok fine not actually that brief at all… brevity is not something i’m good at.

**oh sure, i can put him down. just not on any surface/baby containment device in our actual house. he’s a BIG fan of being on the move, so we take lots of walks. except that living in the suburbs, which i mostly do love, walks around the neighborhood get kind of boring. so we go to target, or the downtown of the next town over (with the starbucks and the banana republic), or the mall. it’s gotten a little …expensive.

just watched that video that’s been passed around fb of that french nurse bathing a baby and bawled my eyes out.

so that’s how my afternoon is going.

i’m feeling like today really might be baby day.

and of course i have no assistance to speak of today*. i mean, my people will likely drop things to come when i announce it’s really happening, but everyone is actually busy today and so i don’t want to be girl-who-cried-wolf at all and make a cry for help too early.

but i’m definitely feeling contractions, and even though they’re not regular yet, some of them have absolutely made me stop in my tracks.

come on, little dude.

*our amazing sitter has another job on fridays. bummer.

give me a break*

when you work for a very global company with offices and partners all over the world, it becomes all too obvious - and all the more frustrating - that the amount of time i’m taking for my maternity leave will only be a few weeks longer than what some people are taking for their summer break.

this country, man. we’re such suckers.

*pun totally intended

she must be drugging them

so, alright, my kids have always been pretty decent nappers, but 2.5 hours every single day, *and* they haven’t even been fighting bedtime?! last night the lights were out by 8:15 and that was after three books. they practically begged to go to bed starting at like 7:30, while nodding off through dinner.

clearly this babysitting thing is working out like gangbusters. (does harley *really* need to go to pre-k? couldn’t we just hire this girl year-round? she’s kind of amazing.)

jss replied to your post:this clock is broken
Fwiw, I LOVED my induction. I mean, the pushing sucked but that had nothing to do with my induction. It was awesome to have everything scheduled and go in calmly. Made the whole thing feel so civilized! Loved the lack of chaos.

that part is appealing, especially with 2 kids at home. but i was induced with harley and had a crappy birth experience, then went into labor on my own w/ delilah and had a really nice birth experience, so even if the induction had NOTHING to do with it (and it really probably didn’t), my preference at the moment is for not-an-induction. although my preference at this very particular moment is getthisfuckingbabyoutrightthissecondomg.

this clock is broken

countdown shmountdown

i’m two?three? days from my due date* with no progress to speak of.

mostly i honestly don’t care and i’m playing it cool and it can kinda happen whenever. but i also have this awful, awful, awful pain in the top of my abdomen, which is really pretty strange, and it’s just so difficult to get any meaningful sleep at night, and by like 4/5pm my back is just so …done.

had a dr appt last night and he said, i’m really sorry, you’re not having a baby this week.

so monday morning i’m going in for a non-stress test and, in all likelihood, setting the date for an induction. i’m not thrilled about it, but i also don’t see myself refusing it. i just need to see how i feel in the moment, i guess. and hopefully it ends up like my last ‘induction’ - when i finally went into labor on my own about 12 hrs before i was scheduled to arrive at the hospital.

in the meantime… we wait.

*i seriously can’t remember if the original date was the 8th or 9th and seeing as it DOESN’T ACTUALLY MATTER BECAUSE NONE OF MY BABIES COME ON TIME ANYWAY ARGGHALKJAA DLKFJ4QOIU398U13298475

camp mom (+1)

i shared a photo on instagram the other day that harley had taken of me while out on a morning walk.

weekday morning walks with my kids are not a normal thing around here - but since i’m now working from home, and soon to be off on maternity leave, we decided to pull the kids out of day care for the month of august.

but… because i knew i still had a few days of work to bang out pre-baby, because i knew i’d want some solo time with the new babe, because this is the first time in pretty much their entire lives to not be surrounded with a group of people every (week)day… because of all of that, we hired a babysitter to come for a few hours each day.

it didn’t work out for her to start friday, so i eked out work while the kids played and napped, and got up if they really needed me. then worked a little more at night. not too bad.

but today we have her here for the whole day. so i’m (mostly) working upstairs, and as a bonus i get to hear them playing and see them running around, and know someone’s here to watch and play with them.

i mean, she’s been here all of an hour, but they took to her SO quickly and sound like they’re having so much fun with her, it makes my heart really happy. i would like to plan some more ‘stuff’ for them to do (pinterest here i come!) but for now their own toys mixed in with some running around outside should be more than enough. definitely so pleased with this decision.

(and still no baby yet.)

almost there stories

so i mentioned last week sometime that my boss told me i could stop commuting into the city for the remainder of my pre-baby working days. i’m pretty sure she meant for me to be working in the NJ office, but since she’s on vacation (only until tomorrow), i’m taking the opportunity to work from home. it’s been GLORIOUS.

i don’t know what this means, but my legs suddenly ache (since last night-ish?) like i just ran a long distance. i’m only ‘worried’ about that since i feel like if my body’s already feeling tired out now, just imagine how rough labor is going to be. ouch.

we go to the dr tonight. the pendulum tends to swing on this very frequently with me, but right now i’m actually feeling not so anxious about what may or may not be happening. just kind of, eh, when he’s ready, he’s ready. i still have work to do and now that i’m working from home i don’t think i really care if i go late anymore. (watch i’ll get admitted tonight or something. ha.)

we got the baby’s room painted and i LOOOOOVE it. we did go w/ a pretty dark, intense color (behr - starless night) but the room gets a lot of light during the day so it looks great. we need a new light fixture and some other decorative stuff (uhh, crib sheets anyone), but we’re getting closer!

i’m already virtually filling carts and baskets with fall NON-MATERNITY clothes. i cannot wait to get dressed in normal clothes again. and i guess b/c maternity clothes tend to be of the, uh, comfy variety, my imagined post-baby style is veering towards more dressed up and polished. which should be useful for the fabulous new job i fully intend to land after i get back to work. (that’s some wishful thinking / ‘the secret’ stuff going on there, just fyi).

since it’s summer and the dvr is awfully light, we’ve been watching more movies lately. not very typical of us, but i’m enjoying this new routine. last night, in the mood for something fun and hopefully silly, we watched ‘parental guidance.’ it wasn’t a GREAT movie by any stretch but all i was hoping for was some laughs and instead i got walloped with tears for the last 15 minutes. thanks a lot, pregnancy hormones. (‘good’ movie or not, bette midler - and billy crystal, too, for that matter - is a delight.)