no baby yet (duh). but i can’t think of anything that isn’t/doesn’t sound really whiny and complain-y so i’ll just keep my mouth shut.
i will say this… i’m scared about what’s coming. doesn’t matter that i’ve been through this before. the unknowns of actual child birth are fucking terrifying, and i usually just deal with that by not acknowledging them (healthy). but as it gets closer, it gets harder to avoid.
it’s not the newborn part - for once i’m not feeling rattled by that - third time’s the charm, i guess? (of course i’m living in a delusional world where i remember nothing of newborn sleep deprived hell and you can feel free to remind me of this later.)
it’s not knowing when exactly my labor will even start and therefore not really being able to prepare with any amount of detail/accuracy who our kids will be with and where they’ll be. it’s not knowing how long i’ll be in pain and how much pain. it’s the dread about something a nurse said to me in the recovery room as i writhed while nursing delilah - “oh those afterbirth pains? they get worse with each kid. sorry.”
so i’m trying to keep myself focused on everything else… like wrapping up mundane details at work. scheduling fun stuff for the weekend ahead. daydreaming about a full night’s sleep…